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Monthly Archives: January 2018

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This is a special day for me, an auspicious day.  A good day to reflect on gratitude for my body, my parents, my life.

Our meditation reading this morning was from Thich Nhat Hanh’s The Other Shore (p. 38): “Today physicists agree that matter is not solid but full of space.  The atoms that make up our body are mostly space, and are not static at all – they have electrons orbiting a nucleus at thousands of kilometers a second.  Looking deeply into our feelings, we see something similar.  Feelings are fields of energy and are constantly changing.  In the same way, our perceptions, mental formations and consciousness are also ever-changing, flowing rivers.”

How true this is!  I can feel the flow of energy in my body, mind and feelings, especially during Qi Gong practice, meditation, dance and deep connections with other people and nature.  It becomes more obvious as we age that our bodies are not static, immobile, unchanging.  We change in every muscle, every cell every moment.  How exciting that quantum physics is able to explain to us today what meditators have experienced in their own bodies for centuries.  Movement, change, space where we see only solid mass.

I can see my body as a flowing river of energy, my feelings as sparks of energy that change so quickly, my life as energy that is being constantly transformed and connected to other forms of energy, other people, experiences and forms of life.  The teaching that we are never born and never die makes sense.

What a joy to experience the flow of life today, to feel gratitude for each precious moment.

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I feel creativity coming back into my bones! YES! I might really be over this bad cold!  I might be alive, capable of WRITING, doing some things that I’ve neglected for so long! Why not?

I felt a blog forming this morning in my journaling, coming out of the fog of illness, resting, reading, doing not a lot of anything.  Energy returning!  How long has it been since I’ve blogged? Months!

Granted that last fall we had one of the busiest, most productive, creative series of workshops, classes and days of mindfulness ever, then our trip to Malaysia and now illness. Yes, there are reasons for this gap in my publishing, including three friends in crisis for months, needing lots of support. Also our local sangha needing our energy.  But this is just too long a gap in serious writing, leaving my book (Loving Mindfully) sitting at a second publisher who has not responded in months.

So, having a deadline for an article for the Mindfulness Bell on activism due in a month is a new motivator to WRITE. Also the meeting I attended last Wednesday had a discussion topic – “What are you balking at? Resisting?”  The question hit me in the gut.  I responded, telling l on myself, that I’ve not been faithful to my “heart’s pure desire” to write regularly, to find outlets for my creativity.

There are many expressions of that creative juice that I’ve not practiced in ages – acting, dancing, playing the piano, composing poetry and songs, drawing, taking art classes. All of these are activities I have spent many hours, days and months doing at various times in my life. Loved them all! But what are my creative priorities at this point in my life? The two habits I have not lost are my morning journaling and reading. Even when ill this week, I journaled every morning and read a 450 page book in three days. A blessing. Sometimes I write a review for Goodreads, but I no longer have the outlet of teaching or a book group to discuss most of the novels and other books I read. I so rarely publish anything I’m thinking, feeling or writing. I sometimes feel like I’m a hermit, succumbing to “old age,” resisting calls to write and find other creative outlets.

Why do I resist, balk at doing more creative things, at least writing (a good old age form of creativity)?  I hear those negative voices – “you’re not good enough,” “no one cares,” “no one reads what you write anyway, especially publishers.” Yet that little voice of conscience inside reminds me that I’m three years away from 80 (when many of my friends are experiencing health and mental issues that take a tremendous amount of their time and energy). If I ever want to get one of my books published, it had better be soon! But I find myself prone to creating endless “to do” lists of tasks, (do taxes, answer emails, re-write the will, call this person, plan a party, go to a demo) rather than committing to an hour of writing in the morning, my best time.

I heard this voice of creativity, of being true to my deepest self, my best self, the one that is free, open, loving, present very strongly during a serious moral inventory of myself years ago. I am not being true to my best self when I ignore creativity for too long.

It’s not that practicing and teaching Qi Gong, reading, journaling, speaking to groups, giving retreats, creating flyers doesn’t involve my creative self. I have many daily outlets like these. But we all know the answer to that question when someone poses it to us – “What am I resisting doing that my heart tells me I must do before I die?” “Why am I resisting?” “Do I need some help to see my path clearly and follow it?”

Your answer to these questions may be vastly different from mine. But please ask yourself the question today and hear that small voice within your heart. Listen, Listen.