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                                Failling star*

Today I woke with mind dwelling on an unpleasant scene during a meeting yesterday, feeling I might need to “DO” something about it, but what?  Would interfering with other people’s feelings and actions, just make it worse?  Should I stay in my own “hula hoop”?

So, I did my morning routine, journaling about my thoughts, dreams, feelings: “So many shoulds, worry about other people, what they are doing or not doing.  Why not look at yourself, Joann….deal with this sadness, loneliness that you are feeling, the lack of stimulation, exercise, giving of yourself to others, a contrast to the joy you felt on Christmas day with family.  Feeling “bored with myself” or something.  Tired of winter already, of being cooped up indoors, afraid of getting sick in the cold, self-centered, lazy, indolent, hibernating, feeling old and useless.  Ridiculous when I’m healthy for a woman in her ‘70‘s with only a couple of chronic diseases.  The cure for feelings is to DO something, not just sit around, girl!  It’s what you’d tell other people, so do it!  Stop beating up on yourself!”

I went outdoors to see the lovely moon at dawn, offered it a quick “Moonlight” Qi Gong exercise, more indoors with my husband, a reading (the 4th of the 14 Mindfulness Trainings) that helped me focus on my own suffering and begin to transform it in a 30 minute meditation.  Then I found a passage in Thich Nhat Hanh’s Love Letter to the Earth that I knew would finish the transformation of my suffering (small though it is compared to most people’s suffering in the world) into gratitude and celebration of life.

After reminding us of the billions of years it took for the earth to being to manifest living beings, the development of life in the oceans fed by light particles from distant stars, Thay says “I promise to remember our extraordinary journey of eons and to live my days with awareness that we are all your children, and that we are all made of stars.  I promise to do my part, contributing my own energy of joy and harmony to the glorious symphony of life.”

Wow!  I can do that today, my small part – to contribute my own energy of joy and harmony to the glorious symphony of life that has been pulsating on this planet for billions of years!  I can’t miss this day, this opportunity, wallowing in negative thoughts, feelings or illusions.  I am, we are made of stars!  Let’s shine today.

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4 Comments

  1. Oh I love this – how beautifully you illustrate the continuum from a kind of victim energy to co-creator, all by taking responsibility – looking within, receiving the help available to you in many forms. You are clearly a wise woman. I can’t count the times I have felt down and Nature would not let me wallow in it. Thank you for your transparency. Beautiful!

    • Thank you for your kind words, Kathy. The Universe has blessed us both greatly.

  2. Dearest Joann—-thinking of you with the deepest LOVE—-wishing you every BLESSING in 2014!!! I hope to be at the Feb. retreat!!! Jenny Wilcox-( Loretto)


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