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Emotional roller-coaster this past week – up with a wonderful mindfulness retreat, down with a panel and deep family memories stirred, up with beauty of fall colors, down with seeing a dying friend but filled with love at the same time, then inspiration from feedback on my book, then the email and deep old feelings of being misunderstood, judged unfair by someone I care about…feelings that lingered….talking to wise women who helped….shift back to serenity….now focus on Pat’s exciting live performances. Ah, so much change in the internal scenery….not just about “tasks, doing, jobs” but how emotion colors our lives, our actions, our perceptions of the moment. Clouds coming, going, teaching. Colors shifting in our world. What would life be without feeling? As long as feelings don’t rule our every thought, word and deed. It was a revelation to me to learn that every emotion doesn’t require an action. Being angry doesn’t mean I have to yell at someone. Being sad doesn’t mean that I need to spread sadness like fog over everyone around me. I can stop, look deeply, learn more about myself, breathe. Find balance. Delight in fall colors at the same time I am disappointed or sad.

I am trying to sit with powerful emotions these days, to feel the energy beneath the surface cause of the feeling, to feel the little girl in me who wants to be liked and respected, feeling misunderstood, afraid of rejection. She is the person I need to understand deeply in order to reveal her in my book. But I also need to understand her to live my life today with freedom, peace and generosity. One of the wise women asked “What is it that you need that you are not getting?” This helped me sit again with the feelings and learn the lessons they had to teach me. I embraced my little girl, held her, comforted her, allowed my adult arms to vibrate with healing energy. I could let go now of the emotion, let it drift off the horizon and be ready for my next cloud teacher.

Feelings come, feelings go. My mind is a clear blue sky. My mind is a clear blue sky.

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